Mother's Day 2014

Dear Maddison,
I have waited so long, prayed a thousand and more prayers, cried a billion tears, and fought a good fight to be blessed with a pregnancy... because all I ever wanted was to be a mom. On Mother's Day, most mothers share their pregnancy memories, their giving birth stories, memories of taking you home, first bath, first full night of sleep, first time you rolled over, your first steps, and even your first birthday. I however, do not have those memories to share with you because you did not grow in my belly, but in my heart.

I often wonder what I was doing at the exact moment you were born on 9/20/10, and have wondered if I felt "different" at that exact moment? This has bothered me so much that I went through my Facebook, to see if I posted anything that day, and this is what I found:

It apears that my heart was breaking over negative fertility issues, 1 year anniversary of my uncle's passing, and my post on the exact day you were born, actually makes me smile! God knew what "and you know what that means" meant, but I sure had NO IDEA that MY daughter was being born today!? And my post three days after you were born, boy does that say it all! So, did I feel "different" the exact moment you were born? I would say that it appears I was feeling some very strong emotions that week, and I am going to bet that God might have sent me a little tingle or flutter to ease my heart because you had arrived for me.

Another thing that  I often wonder, is if our paths had ever crossed before meeting you for the first time on 11/17/13. Like, have I ever walked right past you in the grocery store or drove past you in my car not knowing you were my daughter??? It actually makes sick to my stomach, to know that is a very real possibility!?

I will never, ever, ever forget the first time I saw you. It is forever cemented in my brain. You had your back to me, and you whipped your beautiful brown haired ponytail over your shoulder and flashed those big brown eyes at me, and I was in love. I have never experienced love at first sight, until you.

11/17/13

It kills me to know I missed out on so many major milestones in your little life, but it makes me feel so blessed and down right proud that I get to share EVERY SINGLE ONE with you from now on!!! I will never not be with you to celebrate your EVERY accomplishment. I am committed to helping you, teaching you, leading you, molding you, cheering you on and loving you wholeheartedly... because you deserve it. You deserved it from day one... but I can only promise from now until the rest of your life, and I am gonna LOVE you every second!

I know some day I will have to fully explain that I am not biologically your mom, and that you did not grow in my belly. But I am so happy that I will be able to show you how God created us separately, but molded us together perfectly. I may not have created those little hands, but God did. And God gave me you to show you how to do great things with them. I may not have created those little feet, but God did. And God gave me you to show you where to go with them. I may not have created those sparkly brown eyes, but God did. And God gave me you to show you the world and to see all the beauty that is happening all around us, and within us.

Those little hands, those little feet, and those little eyes did not grow in my belly...but belong forever in my heart. So tomorrow, on our very first Mother's day, I thank you Maddison Grace Haley. I thank you for being the love of my life, and letting me be your Mommy... because you are all I ever wanted!


                                                                                                      Love,
                                                                                                    Mommy

Happy Mother's Day Maddison!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDvnj31bQr4