Meeting Teresa

11/15/13

The past day and a half has been soooooooooooooo exhausting. I have not slept right. Mike has not slept right. My mind is all consumed by the latest events of learning about a little girl that is looking for her mommy and daddy. Could I be her mommy? Is Mike her daddy? Just the idea of is makes my stomach flip with excitement, nerves, fear, and just anxiousness for our meeting with Teresa tonight.
Some of my feelings at the moment:
"How awkward is dinner going to be? Am I ready for adopting right this minute? Am I this little girl's mommy? What about Mike, is he her daddy? Will Teresa like me/us? Will her family like me/us? Will I like them? Will I say something stupid? I'm going to be sick. Oh, no... I'm gonna cry in front of Teresa probably... I hate crying in front of people!? I think I'm gonna be sick. Should I even meet her? Is my mom crazy for suggesting this? What if the little girl doesn't like me and I end up in love with her? Is my heart going to get broken by this? I think I am going to be sick. Am I emotionally strong enough for the entire journey of this? Are they going to back out last minute? Should I tell family and friends now or wait until I know... like really KNOW? When am I going to really KNOW? Am I going to survive keeping this a secret and not posting on Facebook? (gasp) I think I am giving myself an ulcer. Is this really happening? Am I dreaming? I can't be dreaming... because I cannot sleep...I think I am going to be sick."

All day at work was a fog. At this point, only people that know about this is my mom, Mike, and I called my sister. My co-workers were all oblivious, except My friend Nicole busted me out. She could tell I was "off" and called me out. lol So I told her secretly about how I was going to meet Teresa tonight, and if you haven't seen a grown woman jump and practically dance in her chair... it's quite entertaining!! :)  I am hoping I completed a little work at least.... but I was just on whole other level of consumed watching and waiting for the clock to click to 5 o'clock. I had my list of questions, my notebook and pen to write down anything. I was running through possible questions I was going to ask, and then convinced myself to stop doing that, because I want to answer questions sincerely...and not sound rehearsed. But, of course I continue on with my racing thoughts about tonight and how I was going to cope with not getting emotional. (not too many people realize I am a pretty emotional person, but I hide it by joking and laughing to keep myself from crying- then I cry in private) Then I start wondering if they are going to ask me about Mike and my struggle with infertility for the past 5 years. Do we tell them everything or just skim the surface? I know we have to acknowledge it, but I hate talking about our biggest let down in our life thus far when we are talking about possibly the biggest high of our life!!

I met Mike and my mom at the restaurant. My emotions were so high I could barely speak to either of them... I felt like I was going to get sick. We walk into the restaurant and realized Teresa is not there yet, and I panic if she changed her mind on meeting us. (mind you, I am freaking out already and she wasn't even late yet...  it's 6 minutes before we agreed to meet)

Teresa arrived on the scene of what I am sure easily looked like the 3 most nervously crazed  people you could ever have dinner with. But seriously, how do you even breathe, let alone eat, when you are talking to the person that is possibly giving you the greatest gift, so great that you cannot even begin to understand???


Teresa had a book that her granddaughter made in preschool that had pictures and art work she had made. I looked through the pages and I immediately noticed that I really didn't care what she looked like. Which seems strange to me, but then doesn't.  The only way I can begin to explain what I mean is...it's not like I was buying a puppy and only wanted the cutest one, or a sofa and wanted a specific pattern and only that pattern would do or the deal was off. All I seen was a little girl with the biggest brown eyes, cheesy smile, and smallest of hands.


We talked. We asked questions. We discussed. We "ate". I just felt like I was floating out of my body. Like I just couldn't believe that I was sitting there talking about adopting Teresa's granddaughter. My mom later said that I was so "business like" and "pale". lol oooppppssss... so much for coming off as myself and sincere??? I tried my best to keep calm, but everyone's emotions were on a red alert I think. But, we left the table with my mom already referring to herself as "her grandmother" too, and just to prove it, she tried taking a picture of the little girl home with her!? *Shakes my head*  But, that's my mom... it's how she rolls! :)

We asked if we could meet the little girl on Sunday at their church and play with her in the nursery to see what she's like. Instant excitement flowed through me!!!

NOW HOW WAS I GOING TO SLEEP KNOW ING I WAS GOING

 TO MEET HER IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS!?!?

This little girl needed a mommy and daddy... and now... I needed to know if that was us.